Stone Sour’s ‘Through Glass’ eases its way into the stillness of the night, awakening me from a serenity that can only be found in dreams. Emptiness fills me to the depth of my soul, as I lie here in a room so full of everything that was you. I finally understand why it was your favorite song, why it kept echoing in my head as you teetered on the edge of consciousness, hovering between this life and what lies beyond. Beckoning to me, demanding to be played at your bedside while I held your hand, and watched the monitor as your heartbeat slowed then cease to exist. I am now the one looking through the glass. I have no sense of time, or space, or reason, unable to see past these four walls filled with everything we once were.
Alone in the stillness of a space where joy no longer exists, a place where only hopelessness and isolation resonates within the void left by your death. I lay in the dark surrounded by the memory of you, desperately longing for your essence that once occupied this space. The laughter, the tears, the fights, the making up, the snoring that kept me up at night. The pain in my chest makes it hard to breathe. I sit up, reaching for your pillow, holding it to my face, stifling my screams of despair, fear, loneliness, anger, grief, self-pity, and utter helplessness. I call to you, begging for you to wake me up from this nightmare I now call my life. I wait for your voice to break through the silence, telling me that everything is going to be okay, urging me to accept the unacceptable.
I reach for your wedding ring that now lay against my breast, next to my heart. I close my eyes, and I wait in the silence. I wait for the lyrics to ‘Through Glass’ to find their way back into the chaos that occupies my mind. As the words begin to play in my head, I feel my troubled soul begin to ease, and I am lolled back to sleep. My dreams are once more filled with memories of you, and I am finally at peace in a space that once again is filled with everything that is you.